Archive for July, 2010

Then I dropped a bunch of my socks on the way back up the stairs and spent five minutes comically picking them up.

We’re yelling at the left fielder because we’re trying to mount a rally. We’re making ourselves feel better by pushing someone else down. Didn’t you go to junior high school?

Children don’t care, they just bitch and moan slowly hover around your ankles. They’re the “sick cats” of baseball spectating.

But it wasn’t until Greg Dobbs socked a pole-smacking dinger to bring in three Phillies and cut the lead to 7-5 that viewers across the Delaware Valley stopped flipping between the game and “E! True Hollywood Story: Jennifer Aniston”

I might add that in Philly, “Get the fuck out of the way” is the second most popular conversational greeting, behind laying on a car horn for 90 consecutive seconds.

It was hot. It was late. And magic wasn’t in the air.

If my television were a kid, it would have been taken from me by child services by now.

A big win, yes. But, in the words of Bobby Bonilla, “Even a blind squirrel finds a [$1.19 million] nut.”

And that’s where we are right now. Third place. Limping. Underwhelming. Losing. Standing in a river of shit.

Nearby, obnoxious Penn students prepare to get in some quality crew practice and make a quiet bet on who can have the most scorn for the homeless.