Phillies Decide Two Wins in a Row is Far Too Many

Braves 6, Phillies 3

Look away, children.  You’re not going to want to see this.

This is the phrase that is meant to be uttered just before the pitching stats of David Herndon are shown on screen.  They are sloppy.  They are messy.  They are sideways and stupid and wrong.  Before last night, he’d given up 38 hits in 27.2 innings.  That’s… that’s just way too many.

Watching Brad Lidge come into a game is like watching somebody juggle chain saws.  Except the juggler is shaky and inconsistent and OH SHIT HE JUST DROPPED ONE OF THEM IN HIS FACE.  So when he comes into a game and slams the door, like he did last night, it is a pleasant little fist pump of a moment.  Televisions across Pennsylvania remain un-kicked.  Voices are not screamed hoarse.  A bit of serenity is splashed into a tense situation.

And then David Herndon comes in, and its like watching somebody with a chain saw already through his face try to juggle chain saws.  When that guy gets out of inning–on six pitches, no less–you just want to clap your hands say yeah.

Personally, I wouldn’t ask that guy for an encore.  The guy with a saw blade where his face should be, I mean.  I would consider myself lucky that I had not bore witness to a horrific atrocity and moved right along to the next act.  Charlie Manuel, however, stuck with his gut as he does, and Herndon remained in the game for another inning.

20 minutes later, the Braves won 6-3.  I’m not shoveling all the blame on Herndon, I’m just saying… well, I think its pretty clear what I’m saying.  Herndon, and then Mike Zagurski, were just no match for a Braves lineup ravenous to make up for yesterday’s vicious Halladay-ing.

Cole Hamels went the distance, or at least, a distance, and for another night, we didn’t have an offense, which made scoring pretty difficult.  Its become a standard formula of late.

  • Solid starter
  • Almost zero run support
  • Shit-eating relief work
  • If my television were a kid, it would have been taken from me by child services by now.

Manic shrieking aside, we’ve got one more chance to show the Braves who’s boss before the All-Star game, and by “boss,” I mean “crawl within 4 games of their success.”  And we’ll be crawling on the back of Jamie Moyer to do just that, so hold onto your butts.

Good news!  J.A. Happ is off the disabled list! Bad news.  He’s been pitching awfully, or at least, certainly not in the “prophetic savior” vein we need him to return in.

It is SO damn HOT.

Tags: Braves Cole Hamels David Herndon J.a. Happ Mike Zagurski NL East Phillies Summer

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