If you’re like me, you spend a copious chunk of your concerned about Alex Rodriguez. How is he? Is he currently in a fountain? How’s that hip flexor rotating? Does he mind if I trample these azaleas while peering innocently through his window? What brand of night vision goggles best picks up his actions? What kind of cereal is that? Looks neat. Has his Twitter changed from “Tell me something good tweoples!”?
Wait that’s Nick Swisher.
Man, the Yankees are too cool to even keep track of. Anyways, if you thought one “hip flexor issue” could keep A-Rod crippled and hovering close to death like you wanted, you were wrong, and possibly a bit of a sick freak. The man is going to be just fine for the upcoming with the series against the Phillies. Huzzah.
And speaking of being sidelined by injuries, and then not again, it’s time to check in on (one of) our little rehabilitating wonders. His name is J.A. Happ, and it’s going terribly.
He gave up six hits and four earned runs in 2 1/3 innings in Reading, throwing in four strike outs and a walk, just because he’d thought it’d be funny to walk somebody. And it was hilarious. It was also very, very poor pitching.
Here’s some video evidence.
So, if you thought anything would really be different for the upcoming Yankees series tomorrow, you were dead wrong, idiot. We are coming off a win against the Red Sox, but that win was preceded by two dumbly played losses. Not a lot you can really draw from a victory being buffered by monstrous catastrophes, other than Cole Hamels pitched effectively against a powerful lineup.
Is calling this series a “World Series preview” an accurate assessment or a sick joke that has you laugh-sobbing on the way to and from the bathroom?
Right now, its a World Series reenactment, and boy, I don’t know if you remember, but the memories I’ve got of the 2009 World Series are a place I go to a lot when I need to cheer myself up or remedy the rainy day blues or start a fight with my neighbor while he’s taking out his garbage.
Pitchers scheduled for the Phils-Yanks series:
C.C. Sabathia (6-3), A.J. Burnett (6-4) and Andy Pettitte (8-1).
Roy Halladay (8-4), Kyle Kendrick (3-2), Jamie Moyer (6-6).
Oh, yeah. Sick joke. Hell, I’m laughing already. Jamie Moyer got 9-runned in the first inning of last start. Meanwhile, ESPN’s current MLB cover story is “HOW FUCKING AWESOME ARE THE YANKEES HA HA YEEE-AAHHH.”
I have seen no evidence that the slump is over, and I’ve had no immense epiphany regarding every facet of the Phillies working together in any sort of competent way at the same time. We are still in the throes of a dispiriting downfall, and we just happen to have the unfortunate luck of facing off against a phenomenal team who happens to have stepped on everybody but Cliff Lee’s face just a few mere months ago.
We could take this series. We could do it. But I feel like we’re trying to do a 180 with a Hummer in the middle of my apartment.
Speaking of Twitter, it’s so cool that TBOH is on it. So follow blindly.