You won't find any answers in that bottle, kiddo. Just precious, precious alcohol.

Philly Beer Week Kicks Off With Alcoholic Child

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I haven’t bought a beer in Citizens Bank Park since I was a FanFoto photographer and tried to convince a vendor that we got three courtesy beers at every game.  I wound up getting one, but only because I wouldn’t give him his hat back. But it turned out it was just an empty bottle and I was quickly escorted out of the stadium and fired.

But, like when I was starving on a flight out to California but refused to pay for airline food as a silent one man protest against ridiculous prices, I haven’t bought one since.  That’ll get ‘um.

This child, however, seems to have the disposable income to throw back a cold one at a moment’s notice.  Maybe this is indicative of how rough things are right now, as CBP has apparently begun catering to the “disgruntled pre-kindergartner” demographic, and baby, beer sales are a-boomin’.

If anybody needs a drink right now, or probably some hand bandaging, it’s Phillippe Aumont, who was dropped a rung from Double-A Reading to Single-A Clearwater.

1-6 with a 7.98 ERA in 11 games is no way to go through life, son.

When you’re a fraction of a trade that saw Cliff Lee going the other way, chances are, people are going to read up on you.  And we did.  Phillippe wasn’t Cliff Lee, though, and that was his primary detraction from our hearts.  He was now the only other Phillies prospect who made it onto Baseball America’s Top 100 Prospects list, far below Dom Brown, lurking in the shadows of the high 90s.

So, the Phillies got him, and looked at him, and decided that even though he’d been bred as a reliever, they were going to poke and prod him until he was a starting pitcher.  Because we’re the Phillies.  And you WILL change for us.

And now, he’s watching himself on the slow decline into the netherworlds of Clearwater to be replaced by Ty Taubenheim in Reading.  Well, you know what they say about receiving bad news.

Give up immediately and never try again.

Speaking of which, here’s a novel concept.

Let’s draft the crap out of that 27th pick.  See you at the bar, children!

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Tags: Child Alcoholism Cliff Lee Draft Phillies Phillippe Aumont Raul Ibanez

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