Phillies Blogger Tricked, Enraged by Internet

So I was feeling pretty mature this afternoon and… you just don’t want to know how much time I spent trying to jump through the hoops necessary for commenting on this LA Times column written by a sobbing 10-year-old girl.

All I wanted to share were the rational, reasonable conclusions I could draw from reading the column’s main points. Such as, calling the author’s age and gender into question.

Basically, Bob Newspaperman or whoever was claiming that the reason the Dodgers couldn’t beat the Phillies in the NLCS the last two years is because, you guessed it, our mastery of binocular usage.

It’s all happening, isn’t it? I thought we could sneak through success without turning into the Yankees, but we are now, because of our record, dominance, and payroll, the Yankees of the NL. So this kind of crap should be expected, as the “underdog” label completely dissipates and guys like Jeff Francoeur are saluted as heroes for standing up to the big, bad Phillies.

From the LA Times article:

"“Now the Dodgers have a fresh explanation for why they haven’t been able to beat the Philadelphia Phillies in the last two National League Championship Series.The Phillies cheat.”"

And the comment that I was forced to remove all the profanity from that ended up not getting posted because of “server error” or some bullshit follows.  You have to imagine a man clenching his teeth and screaming, somehow at the same time, as he types out:

"I love it.  You guys can’t get your act together two years in a row, so it must be a BIG relief to be able to retroactively come up with an excuse for your ineptitude.  Did stealing signs allow Jimmy Rollins to hit the walkoff double in Game 5 last year?Oh, yeah!  Definitely!  Because that’s how baseball works!  Way to go, detective.  I guess all that money we spent on Halladay, Utley, How–well, you know their names, they’re the ones who have come into your home and embarrassed you for two years.  But it was apparently pointless, when all it really takes to win a World Series and two pennants is a pair of binoculars.  And not even a very expensive pair. Thanks a lot, Ruben Amaro Jr."

Maybe I just don’t understand the logistics of stealing signs.  Maybe it’s way, way more effective and game-changing than I’m assuming it is.  Maybe I’m wrong to think that the endless line of bloggers and journalists saying “Literally everyone does it” are accurate.

Of course, we do steal a lot in Philly.  I was helping my friend move and when he went upstairs, he asked me to watch the truck.  I said okay, and then immediately stole the computer I’m typing this on.  And then a bunch of other guys stole most of his other stuff because I wasn’t there to stop them.

But the way I understand it, its like your roommate buying milk for the week.  You both know that you’re using it too, but when he catches you drinking straight from the carton, you’ve got to back off. And then he hits you in the head with a baseball going 98 mph.

Anyways.  I read Jeff Schultz’s take on the matter afterward and that calmed me down a little.