Announcement FanSided.com is hiring paid news desk writers. Apply here! ×

"Now pitching for the Philadelphia Phillies..."

Rich Dubee Concedes: Phillies Pitchers Not Robots

Lidge and Romero are out, Blanton strains a thing, and now J.A. Happ is the next Phillies pitcher to experience “soreness.” He’s supposed to go on Wesdnesday, but Rich Dubee’s got him “light tossing” in the outfield.  The guy could be skipped in the rotation altogether if this keeps up.

Welp, that proves it.  Jeff Francoeur is a witch.  Oh well.  At least we get to burn him at the stake.

I’ll let Dubee take the reins on this one:  “These guys aren’t machines.  The same thing doesn’t come out of their arm each time.”

If Happ can’t make his next start, who takes his spot?  Kendrick, the substitute starter, is already making waves (waves = opposing batters laugh hysterically while circling the bases) filling in for Big Joe.

Why, Roy Halladay, of course!  Charlie Manuel and Dubee both said that Roy would get the ball should Happ not feel up to it.  Here’s the kicker, though.  He may also get the ball if Happ does feel up to it.

Marlins 2, Phillies 0

Well, how do you do,  Cole Hamels, with your eight strike outs and your zero walks and your eight innings of stellar pitching?

Nothing else really went right here.

I was in the car listening on the radio when Werth walked and Francisco ground-rule doubled; the one base hit that can prevent runners from scoring.  “Ha, ha!  The rules of baseball are wacky!” I exclaimed cheerfully while embedding my finger nails in the dashboard.

Anyways.  No matter what form of restored glory he was chucking, none of Cole’s 90 mph defibrillating to the Phillies’ offensive corpse was going to bring it back, resulting in eight innings of sheer necrophilia.  Which was especially shocking, given that just a few days ago, it was hopping and spinning and screaming all over the diamond.  Now the biggest headline in Phillies baseball is Matthew Clemmens.

So, we couldn’t squirt out a base hit to keep Cole’s gem sparkling.  Now its off to Atlanta; to a northerner, better, division rival, who is coming off a series that saw both a no-hit loss and a walk-off win.  Our starting pitchers continue to rattle and shake with injuries and confidence issues, except of course, for Doc, who would run laps around the stadium between pitches if he could.

Tags: Atlanta Braves Florida Marlins J.a. Happ Phillies Roy Halladay

comments powered by Disqus