Kyle Kendrick Loses Athletic Competition to 47-Year-Old Man

Surprising what turned out to be no one, Jamie Moyer Cadillac-ed his way into the Phillies fifth starting rotation spot today, after a 5-2 loss in which pretty much everybody struck out except for, ironically enough, Kyle Kendrick, who had a base hit.

In the midst of a bizarrely turbulent Philadelphia sports newsday in which people were more upset by Jayson Werth’s beard disappearing and Roy Halladay on the cover of Sports Illustrated (It looks a little… suggestive?) than Donovan McNabb possibly getting shipped off to Oakland, Jamie Moyer quietly got the position he deserved.

Did you know his ERA is 0.77 in 11 2/3 innings?  Sweet Jesus.  I’d have rather seen him on the cover of SI, if I wasn’t so scared of it starting him on track to suffer from the inevitable curse in some hilariously ironic way.   Like if a league of grapefruits crushed him on the last day of play in the Grapefruit League.

No?  Had to try.  I don’t know, that’s kind of funny.

Also, I assume Roy Halladay will just cutter to death any form of SI curse that comes at him.