Just a shit-cracker of a Wednesday. First, “Archer” is probably being cancelled, which will probably make unaired episodes even harder to find online, and when I do find them, they’re probably going to be streaming from the shadiest, fluid-soaked corners of the internet, and infect my already festering PC with a viral outbreak not historically seen on this continent since people were walking the Oregon Trail without sitting in a middle school classroom.
Secondly, Oprah’s not coming to Philly anymore. Why would the $2.4 billion entity be weekending here? Uh, I don’t know, maybe the reason everybody comes to Philadelphia? To settle a sexual assault case involving one of her employees?
BRAVES 8, PHILLIES 0
Brian McCann and Tim Hudson wordlessly nodded at each other prior to today’s game and hoisted the Braves onto their shoulders, carrying them 8 runs deep into a Happ-shattering shut out. Good news for McCann, who’s vision is failing and current plate appearances had him making adjustments just before the game.
McCann unleashed an emphatic middle finger to anything J.A. Happ (5 IP, 6 H, 4 R, 3 BB, 3 K) tried to feed him, sending two baseballs a couple hundred feet south over the outfield wall of some park sponsored by ESPN, the name of which I’m not even going to bother looking up. Placido Polanco tried to use a pair of base hits as defibrillators on the bloated corpse that was the Phillies offense, only to have McCann show him the same middle finger previously reserved for Happ, and picked him off.
Tim Hudson acted as McCann’s accomplice and, with a “new arm,” struck out 4, walked 2, and allowed 3 hits through 6 innings. Oh, and no runs. That’s kind of important.
On our side, we had a… double… play. Nope, I’m not going to fight it off. Hudson choke-slammed the starters and nobody entering the game later fared any better. In fact, with Brad Wilkerson being kind enough to light up the ‘E’ column, the subs were somewhat more detrimental.
And then Danys Baez clocked Omar Infante with the ball; god, it was just messy today… like getting home from vacation and seeing the dog’s thrown up blood all over the house. And also the dog has died.
Hudon wasn’t impossibly dominant, but he showed a clutch side that should faze together effortlessly with Tommy Hanson and Jair Jurrgens in that Braves rotation.
I know the Mets like to think they’re going to be real contenders, like how lemmings think they’re going to fly, but the Braves are going to be more than just the team that is behind us in the East this year. They’re going to have their knives drawn from the start and its going to be up to our lineup to grab a trashcan lid to defend ourselves. There wasn’t a whole bunch of strong, consistent opposing pitching in this division last year, but today was a shadow of things to come.
Hey, I used the phrase “bloated corpse” two days in a row! No, this is not a “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” blog.