PICTURED: Two cement trucks colliding on the freeway.

Monday Begins with Head-Exploding Ryan Howard-Albert Pujols Trade Rumor

UPDATE:  Here it is.

This is where you’d see an apology for not updating over the weekend, at all, but nobody’s reading these words right now anyway, so hey!  Let’s roll into Monday with a grain of salt.  And a chip on our shoulder, apparently.

So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, just kidding, I know you haven’t, but on a weekly, basis, I get to answer a hot Phillies question from Hot Stove.com.  They get a boost of content for their site and I get to see myself labeled as a “Top Phillies blogger” next to the guy from Phillies Nation and the guy from Crashburn Alley, so everybody wins.

Usually, it’s something like “Will Cole Hamels be good?” or “Will Jayson Werth be a Phillie in 2011?” or one of those issues you see whizzing past your face in the Phillies blogosphere nine days a week.  Today, I checked the ol’ inbox and discovered this delightful little inquiry:

Rumors have circulated today that the Phillies have internally discussed trading St. Louis native Ryan Howard for Albert Pujols. Do you believe there’s any truth behind these incredible rumblings?

What the f–

Okay, so I didn’t look at the internet for two days… and now…  I know I have a weird sense of sentiment that doesn’t jive with the sports world.  Maybe I consider the Phillies a family and get upset when people try to break up said family. Maybe I take things a little too personally and mail out one too many death threats without properly cleaning off my fingerprints. Maybe I need to dispose of the magazines from which I cut out my letters for the notes in a trash can without my address on it.

But, putting all that “borderline psychopathic tendency” stuff aside, would a trade like this even be allowed to happen? Would Albert Pujols and Roy Halladay really be allowed on the same team (other than the Yankees, who would just offer them a number next to a dollar sign so large their eyes would bleed)?

Really, MLB?  Will baseball really continue if the galaxy is chewing itself open in response to the best bat and the best arm in the game wearing the same uniform?  I feel like the priority will be to shuttle the best and brightest of Earth’s population onto that far-off reserve planet they’ve been harboring for just such an occurrence (And I will, of course, be there, as I stated earlier, I am a TOP Phillies blogger).

Fortunately, Ruben Amaro gave us some words:

“Is there a likelihood of us getting involved in something that’s that big? Probably not.”


And, I don’t know if you’ve heard, the Phillies did acquire Roy Halladay in a trade that passed fairly under the radar this past winter (because winter is over; yes, it is), making those words somewhat of a panicked dodge to the left of any real response.  So when reporters assault Amaro with jabs about this ludicrous Pujols rumor, anybody with any sort of loyalty to Ryan Howard or that infamous sense of chemistry these Phillies have would want to hear Amaro deny it.

Which he did:

“Lies.  That’s a lie. I don’t know who you’re talking to, but that’s a lie.”

Ha, ha… ha… *reaches for scissors and stack of magazines*

Well, Ruben, right now, we’re talking to you.  Well, real sports journalists are, anyway.  And we’ve heard you deny things before, so you’ll have to excuse me if my eyes roll into my head and I have an intense flashback about writing an article on how the Phillies would be insane to trade Cliff Lee.

That said, and yeah, maybe I just have a fear of change, and yeah, Pujols in a Phillies uniform would be, in the long run, a good thing.  As oppose to a bad thing.

But the idea of the rumor being untrue is much better, so that nobody has to freak out and spend more money on a therapist because their favorite team is trading away one its best players for another really good player who plays the same position.  Again.

Tags: Albert Pujols Cardinals Phillies Ruben Amaro Ryan Howard

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