"The Moyer Flap Jack Shack! Closed for renovation all offseason."

Roy Halladay Offers Awkward Wave to Former Teammates

“Hey guys,” Roy said, unable to look the Blue Jays in the eye.  “You’re looking good.”

The Blue Jays nodded, just wanting the moment to pass.  But it was prolonged even further when both parties tried to say something at the same time, then let the exchange de-evolve into a couple bouts of nervous laughter.

It’s always a little odd running into the ex.

Fortunately, nobody was asking Roy to take the mound and execute his former teammates one by one yesterday.  Two other stories from the Phillies fabled rotation were curving and sliding their way to respective climaxes:  For Cole Hamels, that story is about redemption; for Jamie Moyer, it is about shitting on young people.

They’re saying Cole looks better compared to last season, but were people really calling him out last year this early? No.  They were assuming he’d come back and throw perfect games, just like he did.

He did not throw perfect games.

This year, we’re getting a dose of a much more voluptuous Cole Hamels.  Instead of that change-up that opposing hitters were picking up like a beach ball by the end of 2009, he’s turning to his curve and the fresh-off-the-grill cutter he’s been frying up with Rich Dubee.  Based on his own claims (“I knew if I got out in front it would do exactly what I wanted to.  And it did.”), he’s sniping it in there with great control and the it’s obeying him like a faithful dog.

But in case you were having a freak-out over Cole’s second pitch being a home run, don’t.  CSN was on damage control this morning and Jim Salisbury was the corrupt president’s press secretary.  He assured us it wasn’t a big deal and these things happen and just shut up about it because Cole’s working real hard on a cutter and it’s going really well so leave him alone, okay?  All right?  Geeze.

Then there’s Jamie Moyer, who proved that he’s even further removed from moving down south with his lady to open a flapjack shack with each passing day.

Jamie Moyer and his previously infected blood hopped on the mound and looked as flexible and spry as a cartoon character.  He hurled 31 pitches, 23 strikes, and got over to first without any trouble to cover for Ryan Howard. Coming at the Jays hard, he struck out three, only pausing to periodically flick off Kyle Kendrick between pitches.

In a very un-Jamie Moyer like display, he didn’t throw more than four pitches to anybody.  Is this the start of a sharp, concise Jamie Moyer?  Could we be seeing the start of a 47-year-old revitalizing his image with quick pacing, as opposed to the classic Jamie Moyer, who graduated from the “Vicente Padilla School of Taking Forever to Throw the God Damn Ball”?

Well, its Spring Training, so I guess anything’s possible.  But the dude was smooth and confident; a far cry from the Phillies pitcher who they were saying was going to be put to sleep at some point in the offseason.

In eye-bulgingly hyper outfielder news, Tyson Gillies, a guy Scott Lauber calls “high energy,” socked a dinger and was apparently a runaway freight train in yesterday’s game, tearing around the bases like there was a statute of limitations on scoring the run.

I like this guy.  You’ve got to be anxious to see what a guy can do when he’s clearly playing under the impression that if you don’t conduct yourself in a timely manner, they will take runs away from you.  But I don’t think anybody really has an issue with how long a baseball game takes.  Isn’t that right, whiny girlfriend of the guy next to our partial season ticket seats last year?

And ShaneWatch 2010 continues, as the centerfielder will, again, NOT be playing in today’s game against the Pirates. Which means I will spend Saturday rocking back and forth in a chair in my living room, fretfully knitting.

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Tags: Cole Hamels Grapefruit League Jamie Moyer Philadelphia Phillies Shane Victorino Spring Training Toronto Blue Jays Tyson Gillies

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