Somebody's Cranky: Hateful Tuesday Commentary


According to Hal Bodley, a guy who gets to write “MLB senior correspondent” after his name and high level jackass, the Phillies really blew it in attaining the best pitcher in modern baseball this offseason.  Yeah, he’s talented, I guess, but get this groundbreaking concept… what if they had Cliff Lee, too?

I know!  Hadn’t occurred to me.  I mean, both of those guys are really, really good pitchers!  What an awesome rotation!  We could refer to them as a “1-2 punch” and stuff!

Cripes, we’re missing the hell out.  I can’t believe I didn’t think of this.  I really dropped the ball.  Well, that’s what I get for having burnt toast and a warmed bottle of cough medicine for breakfast every morning.  Also, this is what my degree is in: “Shitting the bed” with a concentration in “dropping balls.”  Maybe if I didn’t spend every weekday from 9-12 shoulder-deep in purple barf before my afternoon of self-induced Nyquil comas I’d catch a hot lead like this one more often.

It’s a thought that hasn’t crossed the minds of Ruben Amaro, Charlie Manuel, Cliff Lee, and every single person in the city.  I think we here in Philly owe Mr. Bodley a great big thank you for bringing this wheelbarrow of regret to our doorstep, ringing the doorbell, and running away giggling… three weeks after every blog happened to mention their affinity for having two ace pitchers instead of one.

Also, wouldn’t it be cool if the Phillies had Chone Figgins, too?  And Albert Pujols and Tim Lincecum and whats-his-rookie-of-the-year… Coghlan?  Why not?  And also if they had heat-seeking baseballs and rode around the bases on horseback and the new rule at CBP was if Joe Blanton could chase down and devour a player before he circled the bases, an opposing home run wouldn’t count.

Yeah… I guess that’s why Bodley’s the senior MLB correspondent:  A+ analysis of wishes.

And because now I’m all riled up, we’ll turn some of his unwarranted antagonism toward a more appropriate source: The Mets. More specifically, the Mets’ hopes and dreams.

Omar Minaya thinks the Mets’ll be just fine in 2010, thank you very much.

“I don’t think we’re a joke,” he said.

Considering the Mets are treated as all but a non factor in the NL East race anymore, I would almost agree.  It’s not that you’re a joke, it’s more like a story.  A sad story that nobody tells anymore.

And I’m not sure if watching Ollie Perez chuck a couple of warm up tosses passed Johann Santana is any reason to start refuting the “joke” accusations anyway.

“Who?  ‘The Jets’?  They’re a football team; we don’t play them,” replied the Phillies.

Nothing sadder than not getting your own joke.

Speaking of jokes.

Image courtesy of www.leftyparent.com

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Tags: Hal Bodley New York Mets Nyquil Omar Minaya Purple Barf

  • hey man

    you are a genius my friend, i fucking love it

  • http://thatballsouttahere.com Justin

    I wish I could take the credit, but when the basis of an article is “Hal Bodley is terrible,” it pretty much writes itself.

  • Peasant

    “And also if they had heat-seeking baseballs and rode around the bases on horseback and the new rule at CBP was if Joe Blanton could chase down and devour a player before he circled the bases, an opposing home run wouldn’t count.”

    ever since reading this i have been posting your work to all of my friends man… keep writing i will do everything i can to direct more readers your way this shit is priceless…i’ts like Fire Joe Morgan but about phillies stuff… can’t find it anywhere.