This is strangely reminiscent of Alan Ladd blowing away Jack Palance. Okay, I'll stop.

"Shane! Come back! Oh, you did."

Remember at the end of Shane when he’s riding into the sunset, barely holding his guts in, and the little kid’s like “Shane! Come back!”  But we all know… Shane ain’t comin’ back.

Remember that?

Imagine if he’d heard the kids voice, turned around, made a full recovery, avoiding gangrene and all of the infections, and continued to protect the town for three more years.  For $22 million.

Anyways, we got Shane Victorino for three years and $22 million.  That’s where I was going with that.

I know some of you may be aware of my “intense fandom” (According to the 3rd District Court of Philadelphia… whatever) for Shane, but those days are behind me.  Clearly, if he is planning on being in Philly for the next three years, he’s also willing to put any and all incidents that may or may not have happened behind him.

I’m just saying we could totally be friends if you’d just be cool about it, dude.

The Phils bought out the last two years of Victorino’s arbitration, and a year of his free agency, so nobody has to wait on baited breath again; a deal everyone can sleep comfortably with.  Ruben Amaro seemed to think the meetings went amicably, and apparently, Carlos Ruiz, the last arbitration standing, should be clicked into place by the end of the week.

A very happy, decidedly un-Shane-like ending to the magical world of offseason Phillies baseball.

So let’s close today with a totally applicable quote from Shane that I had to paraphrase a little bit to make sense:

“A [bat]is a tool, Marian; no better or no worse than any other tool: an axe, a shovel or anything. A [bat] is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that.”

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Tags: Carlos Ruiz I'm Not A Stalker Seriously I'm Not Shane Victorino

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