I ate at Harry the K’s one time. It was a Sunday afternoon game and we were delivering a double-digit pommeling of the Marlins. So, Roommate and I decided to check the place out.
“Wow!” I screamed. “What do these huge numbers next to the food choices mean?!”
The waiter smiled politely. “I’ll give you guys some more time.”
“There’s like… seven things on this menu,” Roommate stated. “Should we stay?”
“I guess so. There was a pretty long line to get in.”
I also didn’t want to return to our seats because the old people in front of us had just discovered the phone number for the Citizens Bank Park security office and were having people thrown out for pretty much no reason. If we came back in the middle of an inning they might have had us beaten to death. Old people can get away with murder at Citizens Bank because the staff is under immense pressure to maintain the image of a “family friendly place,” while inviting fans of Philadelphia sports in to watch games. It’s like going on a date with a serial killer, but not allowing him to put a chopstick in your temple.
Anyways, eating outside while the Phillies played right in front of you was cool. Everything else was… accepted mainly because of that first thing.
“Hey, why isn’t that waiter coming back?” I finally asked.
Roommate rolled his eyes. “Close your menu, you jackass.”
I bring you this enthralling narrative because Harry the K’s just went on the endangered species list. Eileen Kalas has decided to want more money for the use of Harry’s likeness, and the Phillies have decided they do not want to give it to her. Harry was making $1000 a year, plus a tiny little fraction of the revenue in exchange for his legendary moniker. Its a little shocking that we could lose the embodiment of Harry Kalas, the voice, spirit, and soul of the Phillies for decades, so easily.
On the one hand, maybe Mrs. Kalas is in need of more incoming cash in these hard times and saw the restaurant as a simple way of doing that. On the other hand, the Phillies are obviously working through an offseason that saw them breaking the bank in half like a wishbone.
But unless they can come to an agreement, we’re gonna be looking at “The Phillie Phanatic’s Phantastic Phood and Phun Phacility!” after the 2010 season. Which is just phucking stupid.
In other news, Cole Hamels took some time out from his apparently dedicated offseason workout schedule to answer some sizzling questions from a gymnasium full of elementary school students. Invasive, personal inquiries such as “Why are dairy products important?” were the highlight of the day.
In other words, this is barely news.
UPDATE: I don’t expect any significant results, but I am curious. ESPN likes to run polls that have three or four extra answers so that the results are either ridiculously lopsided or inconclusively even. To me, this “Mark McGwire in the Hall of Fame” issue is a yes or no question, and my answer is no. I stuck a poll on the left there, and I’m curious what people think.