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"Damn it, Detective Skullsplitter, you can't just play by your own rules!"

Offseason is Wildfire of Uninteresting Stories

I know I said Eric Bruntlett jokes are all but cliche now, but the no-longer-Chase-Utley’s-backup just keeps popping up everywhere.  Now, he’s up for “Play of the Year” on MLB.com, for… well, you know what the hell for.  The only damn play he made all year.

Watching all these plays in a row, Bruntlett’s, while an amazing coincidence, has nowhere near the athelticism or downright holy-shit-ness that actually made me choke on my coffee a few times as some of the other plays.  And check out Joba Chamberlain’s dive off the mound.  He looks like a walrus falling off the back of a truck.

"I don't remember him either," replied this horse.

"I don't remember him either," replied this horse.

Today’s “Slow News Day” award goes to Philly.com, who posted a story about Dan Plesac.  This article, in the “baseball” section, actually contains the phrases “…the holiday season ha(s) given Plesac…the time to reflect on and enjoy his own greatest save – one that has nothing to do with baseball,” and “While Phillies fans may think of Plesac only in terms of balls and strikes, the hurler’s first love has long been harness racing.”

I don’t think about Dan Plesac in mere terms of balls and strikes.  In fact, I don’t think about Dan Plesac at all.  Who the hell is Dan Plesac?

Anyways, I didn’t even read the rest the article.  Bitter today.  Not enough coffee.  I guess.

I’m sure it’s wonderful and he’s doing something that truly captures the spirit of human kindness or whatever.  But seriously, that story is bullshit.

Wow, I took up a lot of space complaining about that.

2012 won’t just be the end of the world, as an even more cataclysmic event will be going down:  Bud Selig will no longer be commissioning all this baseball.

Apparently, he’s not renewing his contract when it expires, choosing instead to “…do other things while he can.”  I don’t know man, the last time I saw an image of Selig he looked like an afghan hanging on a clothesline.  Unless these big plans include blowing in the wind on a cool summer’s day, he may want to take it easy out there.  But with the skill and precision with which he can ignore blatant drug use, he may have a brilliant career playing the corrupt police chief character in a Steven Seagal movie.

And one last thing, Jamie Moyer is reportedly just fine.  And with team doctor Michael Ciccotti informing us the surgery will have “minimal impact” on Moyer’s spring training, we can deduce quite easily that Moyer plans on pitching.  Again.  This year.  Which is good.  I think.

Where’s the coffee?  I’m going to hang Christmas lights.

Tags: Bud Selig Dan Plesac Eric Bruntlett Harness Racing Jamie Moyer Joba Chamberlain Play Of The Year

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