A Tiny Bit on the Phillies and George Lopez is Terrible
By Justin Klugh
It’s World Series Eve. The weather’s brewing up some trouble out there.
SOME STUFF THAT HAPPENED SINCE YESTERDAY
Pedro’s got the ball in Game 2. A good choice; it shakes the pattern we’ve been following, where Cole starts the second game of a series. Interesting to see us adopting the “adapt or die” strategy (the one I was suggesting during the “Regular Season Brad Lidge’s” reign of terror) now, but I welcome it.
Which is not to say I don’t expect big things from Cole in the World Series. And it’s good to know the Yankees have a similar “will he or won’t he” starting pitcher in A.J. Burnett.
Speaking of A.J. Burnett, I hate A.J. Burnett. I’d hate him even if we wasn’t a Yankee, and that’s saying a lot. The guy gets so fussy and pissed off on the mound, blames his catcher, and screams “WHY?! WHY?!” when he screws up. Then, he’s the first guy to throw a pie when the Yankees do something good.
“Oh, look! I’m the team clown! Look how loose and fun I am!”
“Damn, I blew the game. I’m so dark and brooding though; so intense, that you can tell I feel bad enough about it already.”
Pick a personality, A.J. But don’t bounce around emotionally like you’re having an onset of hormones.
Anyways, the Phils decided to bring back Brett Myers (speaking of whiny) and go with a 12-pitcher roster, dropping Miguel Cairo and the 0-5 horse he rode in on.
A good decision. Like I said, it won’t hurt to have an extra pitcher, and if they have more confidence that he’s not going to break down and bleed all over the pitcher’s mound, then yeah, he should come. He certainly deserves to play in the WS more than Miguel Cairo. Who are you, Miguel Cairo?
Why is George Lopez Getting His Own Show?
Anybody whose been watching postseason baseball is well familiar with George Lopez announcing his new late night talk show that will be “different” because it has jokes and guests for him to talk to (???). On these promos, he tells “jokes” that are so blatantly unfunny, you don’t even know they’re unfunny, because you don’t even know they are jokes. Here are three of them:
“Do not adjust your television… to see the players, adjusting themselves.”
First of all, whose got the ability to “adjust” their TVs anymore? Does George Lopez really think the majority of his audience has a set of rabbit ears on top of their televisions that they need to get up and move around and twist at funny angles? Oh no, that’s right, because this year all televisions made the switch to digital and that’s god damn impossible.
Also, the punchline… where did that come from?!
INSIDE THE WRITER’S ROOM FOR ‘LOPEZ TONIGHT’:
George Lopez: And then I say, “”Do not adjust your television… to see the players, adjusting themselves!”
Writer: …yeah? And then?
GL: That’s it.
Writer: I don’t get it. What’s the joke there?
GL: (Giggling) Don’t you know what they’re adjusting?!
Writer: Uh… yes?
GL: (Giggling)
“I’m throwing the only party that won’t give you a hangover!”
“Do you guys want to go to a party? George Lopez will be there, and so will no alcohol, apparently!”
“No, man. We don’t want to go that party. That sounds terrible.”
“…….”
“Always be careful when you’re asking a girl to marry you on the jumbotron. You don’t want her to turn to you in front of the entire stadium and say, ‘We need to talk.'”
No, George. You wouldn’t want that. It’d be awful. Was that the joke? Saying an undesirable thing for your girlfriend to do? Boy, that wasn’t funny. I didn’t even think it was supposed to funny. I thought you were setting up, like, another joke. Why don’t we just list a bunch of things you wouldn’t want your girlfriend to do and see if any of those are funny?
- Steal your Xbox.
- Cheat on you.
- Murder you.
- Throw up all over your bed in the middle of the night.
- Date the killer from Saw previously.
- Be the killer from Saw.
- Set your mattress on fire and ride it down a hill into a children’s hospital.
- Cough up blood in your boss’s face and then ask for it back.
“George Lopez Tonight! Not jokes. Just stuff.”