Cole ‘Labors,’ Rockies Even Series

Damn it.

Three double plays, no runners in scoring position through the first four innings, and a revolving door of pitching, some of which was ineffective.

Which was nothing, compared to the “7th Inning of Terrors” that unfolded more like a Stephen King novella than an inning of professional baseball.

First, Blanton’s out, Happ’s in, and almost immediately takes a screaming liner off the knee.  He leaves with the bases loaded and nobody out, and in comes Scott “loose bodies” Eyre.  Meanwhile, its announced that Cole Hamels has left the stadium because his wife’s gone into labor.

I naturally assumed we were seconds away from Charlie Manuel’s hair catching on fire and the Phanatic accidentally swallowing a toddler.

You know, just to make things interesting.

The next inning, Brett Myers trots out and starts firing away at Troy Tulowitzki’s elbow.  Fantastic.

There were moments of hope, which makes the loss all the more unbearable.  A close-up of Shane smiling wildly in the bottom of the 6th was a precursor for our best inning offensively, as seven seconds later he was standing on second base.  The hits just kept on coming, and it was the best part of the afternoon.

And Madson looked positively stellar out there, among other impressive bullpen turns; Scott Eyre escaping with the bases full and ROOKIE Antonio Bastardo erasing Jason Giambi.

Then the Charlie Manuel/Jim Tracy dance contest in the bottom of the 9th led to a “yeah-yeah-ERRRRRGGGH” series of moments, which is how I found myself at game’s end.

So, I took a few moments to take out the recycling before I wrote this, because if I hadn’t, it would just be a series of all-caps death threats against various members of the Colorado Rockies.

You’re welcome.

Off to Denver, where the air is colder than it is thin, to the point where you think baseball wasn’t even really meant to be played.  I will close with some higly relevant words:

“You can’t lose hope when it’s hopeless. You gotta hope more, then put your fingers in your ears and go, ‘Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!'”

POST GAME BITCHING

• I blame TBS Sports’ bland and personality-less broadcasts on the fact that TBS Sports only exists for about two and a half weeks a year.
• On a related note, Chip Caray said “fisted” way too much for a baseball game last night.
• If I see one more commercial featuring a bunch of guys looking into the camera and saying “I piss way, way too much,” I’m boycotting the toilet.  That’ll show ‘um.
• After Madson’s 1-2-3 badass top of the 9th, I wrote down “Mad, son!” and then immediately scribbled it out.