Take a drink every time Tim McCarver says something with the baseball know-how of an unplugged toaster oven.

Baseball is like waiting for a bus.  But when it gets here… it explodes.
Tonight, Cliff Lee set the bus on fire at the last stop, and let it roll right through the gates of Yankee Stadium.
I’m not going to gush.  I feel like that’s going to be covered quite well by all the news anchors, Phillies advocates who make it on TV, television networks, and the rest of us Phils fans who watched the game with a little class.
The man took “pitching” and turned it into a sure thing.
He threw a baseball, at ridiculous angles and speeds (99 MPH in [...]

On these promos, he tells “jokes” that are so blatantly unfunny, you don’t even know they’re unfunny, because you don’t even know they are jokes.

The Yankees are going to require some stellar defense, and Raul… he’s not a speed demon, he can’t turn on a dime, and as I’ve said before, he kind of runs like an octopus. Then again, he’s got those Jedi powers.

At this point, if A-Rod’s batting next, your best bet is to just nuke the stadium. And their starting pitchers include the guy with the greatest postseason record of all time and the Cloverfield monster.

The Angels are fueled by the ghost of a teammate who died tragically, while the Yankees just need more championship rings to feed the demon living in George Steinbrenner’s basement.

Phillies Phever hit hard this past week, with the returning chance making another trip to the World Series, but nowhere did it hit harder than the home of “Captain,” a large black house cat, “prone to hissy-fits.”
“I just love the Phillies so much,” Captain’s owner explained.  ”I feel like there isn’t a better way to express true fandom than through a cat.”
“Um, yeah, that’s troubling,” replied Dr. Matthew Kendry, a feline psychologist, squinting in confusion at the photo. “That’s a lot more indicative of a person in need of therapy than a cat who likes a baseball team.”
“Look at his [...]

In a city where they had to grease the traffic light poles so people wouldn’t couldn’t climb them in celebration, the Phillies brought us together. Beautiful.

What’s to say?

Tonight, the Phils are going to try and fist their way back into the World Series.

In the parking lot, a small group of us politely informed so local sports anchors attempting to film their reports that the “Dodgers suck,” the “Yankees suck,” and “Manny isn’t Manny without a shot in the fanny” (Brilliant).